Lois Lane (loisfuckinglane) wrote in ardendactyl,
Lois Lane
loisfuckinglane
ardendactyl

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i got my head checked | by a jumbo jet

Fandom: Smallville / Alice
Characters: Lois Lane (loisfuckinglane ) and Hatter (hereinthisstyle )
Genre: Action/Humor
Rating: PG
Timeline/Verse: counted_stars 
Prompt: Song 2 by Blur
Requested By: digthenym  ilu, bb ♥
Summary: Sometimes getting the scoop's easier with a little help from your friends.  Sometimes not.

"You know, from now on when you say you're calling in a favor, I'm going to ask for a full description, typed out in detail beforehand," Hatter said, scrambling to keep up with Lois as they raced across the rooftop, one hand clutching his hat to his head.  "With footnotes."

"Less talking, more running," she shouted, concentrating on not dropping the tiny data disc clutched in her hand.  She'd brought a nice little case to lock it up in and transport it out of there safely - but there'd be no time to fiddle with it once the alarms had started wailing over their heads, and the building had shifted into total lock-down.

"Alice will be glad to hear that diet she's got me on is working," he continued, impervious to her attempts to shut him up.  "I'm not sure what's a better indicator than the ability to crawl through air ducts designed for droids the size of small cats."

"Hatter..."  There was a warning edge to her voice this time.

"Of course, maybe all those processed vegetables are mucking up my brain somehow, seeing as how I agreed to this in the first place--"

"Hatter!"  

"What?" he asked placidly, or as placidly as someone could while running away from security guards toting blasters that probably weren't set on stun.

"JUMP."

"Jump?" he repeated blankly for a moment, slowing down slightly, while Lois, on the other hand, added another burst of speed to her run, and flung herself off the edge of the roof that had abruptly come up to greet them.  Hatter was barely able to react in time, and teetered on the edge of the building for a moment, arms pinwheeling crazily as he watched Lois land hard on the seat of the speeder parked below.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" he bellowed, but then he was forced to launch himself off as well, thanks to a friendly nudge from gravity.  He landed a little less than right side up in the seat beside her, and she took his 'oof' as a cue to set the speeder into motion, which didn't do a lot to allow him to situate himself rightly before blaster bolts began raining down upon them from above.

Lois cranked the controls hard to the left, shouting "HOLD ON" though there was ostensibly little for him to hold on to, and he slid wildly across the seat that he was sprawled in as he attempted to pull himself into something resembling a seated position.  

"Next time, just a thought," he piped up, "we bring blasters too, just to keep things even."

Another hard turn and he slammed across the door, jamming his shoulder against it hard.  "Owww," he mouthed silently, and she shot him a look that managed to mold his expression into a grin.  It quickly dissipated as a blaster bolt grazed the top of his hat. 

"Ok, I'm guessing this means I'm manning the emergency turrets," he said.  "Which in this case... consists of whatever is throwable."  He started rummaging through the seat behind them, Lois darting her head back there to try and monitor him.  He waved her off.  "You make sure we don't crash into any little old ladies - I'll take care of this."

"If you say so," she conceded, albeit it grudgingly.  Items began flying out of the back of the speeder with something of an Olympic grace, whizzing through the air, in the path of the bolts, or, in some cases, at the heads of those firing them.  

"What are you throwing?" Lois asked, craning her neck backwards again, frowning.

"Oh a little bit of flotsam, mixed with some jetsam," was his blithe reply, as he sent a circular disc sailing away.  "Though that," he admitted, "was the last of either."

"I think we've lost them anyways," she said, and cut the speeder down between two buildings, slowing it to a stop.  She reached down... and her hand hit the little dashboard.  Her fingers scrabbled along it, then yanked the lid there up and started mining the depths between the seats.

"What is it?" he asked, poking his head back over.  "Did you get hit?"

"Where's the data disc?" Lois demanded, her eyes looking ready to bulge out of her head.

There was an awkward heavy pause.

"Would you say that it was more... flotsam-like?  Or jetsam-ish?"  he finally responded meekly.

"I'm turning this thing around and dumping you back there for all of them to blast."

"I think there's a very valuable lesson here," he interrupted quickly, yanking off his hat, and wringing it in both hands in front of him. 

"Which is?"

"Make sure your infiltration outfits have pockets."

The hat was ripped right out of his hands and beating him over the head multiple times before he could get another word out..
Tags: character: hatter, character: lois lane, fandom: alice, fandom: counted stars, fandom: smallville, genre: action, genre: humor, rating: pg
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